Papa & Kids - Latest Comments

Re: Equality in Divorce and Custody

Johanus — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 20:27:14 -0000

If no bias exists, then why is it that over 80% of the custody awards are currently going to mothers? I have a very hard time believing that there really are that few fathers who are interested in being parents to their children. This is why I strongly believe that "the best interests of the child" is too wishy-washy and open to interpretation, and joint custody should be the legislated starting point. It will eliminate a lot of the custody issues that really are out there and forces parents to get over their greed, pride, and bitterness to some extent "in the best interests of the child."

Re: Equality in Divorce and Custody

Tcantine — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:21:35 -0000

It's not at all unusual for lawyers to try to give their client sound and objective legal advice, and in fact it's actually the norm. There are relatively few lawyers who have a reputation for being barracudas, buying into their clients' narratives and aggressively and vindictively championing them. Those who do so tend to lose a bit more often, because they become unreasonable and biased and don't look at the legal landscape objectively, and they lose credibility as officers of the court. After all, a lawyer's true duty is to advise the court to assist in making the best possible decision, and a lawyer who is known for being biased and unreasonable will have a harder time getting a judge to take his or her representations seriously. Credibility and reputation are of vital importance in this profession.

I don't think it's necessary to legislate a presumption for joint custody. The Family Law Act as it is today establishes the primary consideration for the court as "the best interests of the child". Of course, it is presumed that it's in the best interest of the child to have healthy bonds with both parents, so in a sense that default is sort of there.

But I'm not convinced the bias you speak of necessarily exists, or even that it's a bad thing if it does. Some scholars have pointed out that while equality on paper is all well and good, in practice it is very often the mother who provides most of the parenting. That may be so, as an empirical fact, and if it is, then the "best interest of the child" standard is sufficient to deal with it, as in each case the judge must consider the unique situation of THIS child, not beginning with any particular presumption.

Re: Equality in Divorce and Custody

Johanus — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 15:26:34 -0000

I think it's awesome that you try to provide sound and objective legal advice! I have seen it when lawyers encourage their client to "go after" the other party, simply because they can. Such a thing often draws out the process and builds the anger and resentment further than it needs to be. But it does benefit these lawyers in that their fees increase with more legal battles. This is one of the (many) reasons that I think that it should be legislated that shared-joint custody is the default unless it can be proven that there is a very good reason that this should not be the case. I believe that lawyers should be encouraging both parties to operate in a non-confrontational manner, since this is in the best interests of both parties and (especially) any kids involved. Kudos to you!

Tom, some of the biases I am seeing are not in the law as it is written, but in the way it is practiced by those involved, whether lawyers or judges (sadly). They are human and do have problems not bringing their own biases forward, of course. And many of them are older or taught that things should be a certain way, which colours their perspectives, as well.

Re: Equality in Divorce and Custody

Tcantine — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:19:49 -0000

I've practiced family law, and at least as far as the law is concerned, it tries to be as impartial and gender-neutral as possible. There once was a "tender years" doctrine which held by default that very young children are better off with their mothers, but that's been gone for some time in Canada. I suspect that most of the bias we now see is not in the law itself, but in gender differences themselves as they play out in the fact patterns of the case and, as you point out, in the choices the litigants make.

I WILL point out, however, that the patterns you see are necessarily coloured by your own experience and position, and the selection bias might not be obvious to you. However objective you might be, the people who approach you to talk about their experiences will have their own biases, and I expect men who've had a raw deal will be somewhat more eager to share their stories with you (perceiving you as a potential ally) than women in the same situation might be. In my capacity as a lawyer representing clients of either gender, I haven't seen quite as consistent a pattern.

That said, you're quite right that it's a terrible thing when parents use custody as a weapon in their personal crusade to vilify the ex. It's one of the hardest things about family law, the way some people (male and female alike) treat it as a moral battle of good versus evil, and expect their lawyer to be staunchly and unquestioningly loyal, instead of providing sound and objective legal advice.

Re: Equality in Divorce and Custody

Johanus — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 22:40:49 -0000

Perhaps you should re-read the post, Abo. My ex and I get along fine regarding custody. Once her behaviour was pointed out to her by a third party she realized that she was only hurting the kids by denying them seeing me. We've resolved this issue. The post is about bias in a system that seems not to see these things and favours the mother, regardless of what truly is best for the children. This is a system that treats men as wallets and not as family and care-givers to their children. While it is improving, it has a ways to go.

Re: Equality in Divorce and Custody

Abo — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 21:02:33 -0000

It is hard to sympathize with you when your superiority comes through. I see that often the needs of the children are eclipsed by egos of parents who forgot they married (or partnered with) the other person in the first place. If your ex is trying to screw you on the child custody, perhaps you should ask yourself if she was the same person at the time you chose to have children with her... and stop acting surprised and victimized.